It’s been a while since I posted. I’m sorry for disappearing and apologise for the incredibly long absence. Life got in the way, but I’m back now and ready to help you to level up!
I remember when I first decided to pursue a writing career; one of the first aspects I had to understand was who my audience was. Of course, I immediately thought: easy-peasy. My audience is the same as every other romance author out there. Women between the ages of 18 and 100. If she is able to read, she’s my audience. Rich or poor, it doesn’t matter, so long as she enjoys reading romance. Nor does it matter where she lives. Romance is world-renowned and everyone loves it, right?
I’m betting some of you have boiled your marketing aim down to that same wide margin. What would you think if I told you you’re looking at this thing all wrong? My light bulb moment came once I realised my target audience wasn’t who I thought it was. If you don’t know who your readers are, you can’t effectively market to them. How are you going to target everyone? Impossible. And here’s the rub—not everybody will love your amazing, beautifully written story. What? Yep! So you need to know your audience. Take the time to figure it out. It’s like trying to understand your main character’s internal conflict—you need to dig deep.
Your real audience.
As an example, my target audience looks a little like this. Yes, I have readers who are in their
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early twenties and readers who are well into their seventies. These are the ones I know of so I will say my readers are between the ages of 20 and 80. Notice I say readers and not women because there are men who also enjoy romance novels; I have a few of those, too! So that’s the age and gender of my readers.
S/he has Christian views. Most of them go to church and read the Bible, but are not religious. They love God and have a strong relationship with our Saviour. Abhors profanity, blasphemy, and gratuitous sex and violence. But while this is the case, my target audience are open-minded and enjoy the gift and pleasures of lovemaking with their husband/wife. Yes, lovemaking is in the Bible and not only Song of Solomon. Read the various books and see for yourself if you don’t believe me. Anyway, back to my target audience. They are gentle-minded and long for a world filled with love and not hate. S/he prefers the lighter side of life and loves to laugh. So fun, feel-good, saucy stories are perfect for them.
My stories are not marketed as Inspirational or Christian romance, but my characters believe, pray and even go to church off stage. If you look at my author brand, you’ll see I market my books as sweet ‘n’ spicy romantic comedy. That’s because they’re like the sweet romance, but the bedroom doors are wide open. You won’t find foul language, but you will get super-spicy love scenes. And my audience will enjoy my brand of emotional conflict and humour.
You can't please everyone.
In the same way that we don’t all enjoy the every book, not everyone is our audience. It’s our job as authors to pinpoint our readers and market our books to them. Do you know your audience? Tell me all about it in the comments section below.
Until next time, write with clarity and style!
Monique xx
Monique DeVere is a full-time author of Sweet 'n' Spicy Romantic Comedy and Contemporary Romance. She also writes Christian Supernatural Suspense movie scripts. She is married to her very own strong-silent-type hero and has four children. When Monique isn’t writing or spending quality time with her family, she likes to armchair travel to distant and exciting parts of the world and considers herself to have the best job on earth.
You can visit her at moniquedevere.com where she invites you to join her exclusive Sweet ‘n’ Spicy Readers Club packed full of goodies for her members. Monique loves to hear from her readers, do contact her at monique@moniquedevere.com.
We all appreciate beauty. How can we not, when it's all around us? From babyhood, we are attracted to pretty things, and as adults this partiality continues. As romance authors, we try to bring beauty to our readers. Who doesn't admire the stunning heroine? Or fall in love with the smoking-hot hero?
But is this what romance really is about? A simple equation with few variables easily solved? Stunning Heroine + Smoking-hot Hero + Major Hots For Each Other = Happy-Ever-After? If you're thinking: sure, why not? Keep reading.
Lust is not romance
Let me ask you this...are you in a relationship? What made you fall in love with the person you're with? Was it his amazing eyes and fabulous hair? Her tinkling laugh, and impressive waist-to-hip ratio? I'm willing to guess that you fell in love with your beloved's core qualities. Don't get me wrong, attraction is a huge part of the falling-for-you stage of any relationship, but it isn't what makes us commit to a lifetime with this one person above all others. The same should be true for our hero and heroine. Have you ever read a story/book and wondered what on earth the H/h saw in the other person? I have! We might fall instantly in lust with the way someone looks, but getting to know that person dictates how we will feel about them long-term. The same ought to be said for our H/h.
We might fall in lust with looks, but we fall in love with personalities
If your hero is horrible to your heroine on almost every page the reader will wonder what on earth the heroine sees in him, and what sort of glutton for punishment she is.
I remember years ago when I was trying to crack a particular category romance line, I would read almost every book in that line each month and more often than not hate the heroes. They tended to be coldhearted toward the heroines--except when they wanted to cart them off the bed!--and I so desperately wanted to read about wonderful, caring heroes who showed the heroine love and affection while still having big enough internal conflicts to keep them apart. So I wrote these type of heroes, hoping to change the romance world with my wonderful, fun heroes. Needless to say, these guys never managed to get me picked up by the publisher. I still write this type of hero because this is the type of man I love. If I can't fall in love with my male lead, how can I expect my readers to love him?
So what makes people fall in love?
We've already establish that it's beyond aesthetics. It's more than skin deep. It's the many layers that make up a person's character--their very essence. It's their hopes and dreams, virtues, interests and skills, ambition. It's the connection between the two central characters--yes, most definitely physical attraction should play a fundamental part, but also a meeting of their minds--mutual admiration (even while they butt heads), compassion, affection. Not only do you want your reader to see why these two people would fall in love, you want the reader to believe beyond a shadow of a doubt that your H/h's HEA will last forever, and not until the first hiccup that comes along after the reader has closed the book.
A few years ago, my husband and I were on our way out for the day when we came to a set of traffic lights that were on red. We were six cars behind the first car. The lights changed to green and the first car didn't move. Being British, we waited politely until the light turned back to red and no one had moved. With some neck-stretching, and head bobbing and ducking, we managed to see that the driver of the first car was a woman and she had her friend with her. I know some men who would have started griping about women drivers, but not my hubby. He said he was going to check to make sure the women were okay and, as he got out of the car, I hopped into the driver's seat.
I can't tell you how big my heart swelled in my chest as I watched my beloved walk past four other male drivers in front of us on his way to the first car in the queue containing the two women. My hero-hubby spoke to the woman driver, then as the light changed back to green he moved to the back of the woman's car and pushed her around the corner, and off the road. Would you believe me if I told you that none of the other men in that queue even attempted to help those women, or even helped my hubby to push the car???
At that moment, as I watched my beloved rescue the female driver, I fell deeper in love with him. Until that instant, I didn't think it was possible for me to love him any more than I already did.
Once back in our car, hubby told me the woman had flooded the engine and was so upset it brought her to tears. She kept thanking him for his kindness and help, and I suspect she probably fell a little in love with him, too.
It's these sort of actions that make our central characters fall for each other and creates the magnetic pull of deep attraction. And it's what makes our readers believe the love story we tell them.
Give your characters scenes which show them in action doing the things that compel them to fall in love with each other. At the heart of your romance story is the relationship, and this relationship is a collection of layers that run far beneath the surface appreciation of beauty.
Until next time, write with clarity and style!
Monique x
Author/Screenwriter Monique DeVere currently resides in the UK with her amazing hero husband, four beautiful grown-up children, and three incredible granddaughters.
Monique writes Romantic Comedy stories some call Smexy—Smart & Sexy—and others call fluff. Monique makes no apologies for writing fun, emotional feel-good romance! She also writes Christian Suspense with a more serious edge.
Monique loves to hear from her readers. You can contact her by visiting her HERE to learn more about her and check out her other books.
Have you ever read a story and absolutely hated one or both of the main characters?
This month I’m looking at how we can make our readers like our character.
The first thing the reader will want to know is who the character is and why should s/he root for them. Why should the reader care what happens to the character?
Recently I saw the film Interstellar with Matthew Mcconaughey, one of my favorite actors. If you haven’t seen this movie—a: I highly recommend it! It was amazing, so emotional and touching. And b: I’ll try not to ruin it for you so in the interest of giving you a heads-up…Spoiler Alert…
I was thoroughly enjoying the movie when it got to the part where one of the characters died. Sadly I didn’t care because I didn’t really know him, which is always a warning that that character will more than likely be the first to get bumped off. But what made it worse is that the character became too stupid to live (TSTL) just before he died. I positively disliked him for his sheer stupidity. After his untimely exit, I didn’t give him a second thought.
In contrast, when the main character almost died I was on the edge of my seat. The difference between these two characters? I never really got to know the first guy, so I wasn’t invested in him or really cared about him, and it was easy to dislike him for his stupidity because there was no reason for his actions.
Meanwhile, I’d gotten to know the main character, empathized with him, cared about him, so I was invested and wanted him to survive. Plus he fought for his life. The other guy stood around like an idiot and did nothing!
Don’t get me wrong, we want our characters to be flawed. Without flaws, our characters have no way of changing or growing.
The flaw is the external representation of the internal fear. What I mean is the flaw is the result of the internal conflict, and internal conflict usually results from a past emotional scar.
For example, what if your hero is overprotective because somewhere in his past a loved one got injured or killed because of something he did or didn’t do. Say, maybe, as a teen he had a girlfriend and they got in a fight while driving home. She demands he pull over and let her out. He’s so mad he does exactly that and leaves her. She is attacked and possibly murdered. The hero has to live with this for the rest of his life. So now he won’t let the heroine out of his sight because he wants to protect her and make sure nothing bad ever happens to her.
Now, if we make the flaw too dominant we will make the hero unlikable. In order to make your reader like him, you need to let the reader see the reason for his fear and you need to make your hero begin to fight the impulse to be overprotective along the way.
Don’t make your characters’ issues so deep and dark that you create jerks. On the other hand, if you do have deep dark issues, you need to work extra hard to show the reader why the character is like this and give glimpses of a softer side—hint that this character can change.
So How Do You Make Your Character Likable?
Start with the core competencies of your character, made up of three aspects: strengths, skills, and desires. As well as having bad experiences from the past that gives us our internal conflicts, we also have happy moments that might inspire us to do, or be something. I like to think that for every bad moment of the past there is a good. As authors we often focus on the bad in order to get a hold of the internal conflicts, but when we let the reader see the good moments that influenced our characters we allow the reader to bond with, and therefore, care about and like, our characters on a deeper level.
Our overprotective hero from above may be a rescuer at his core. You can give him a job to reflect this and maybe he beats himself up so much because he feels guilty that he couldn’t save the past girlfriend. His black moment can come when we place him in a redemptive situation and give him an opportunity to redeem himself from the past by now saving the heroine. This guy can have a lot of layers, and if we show them to the reader, she will not only understand him, she will fall in love with him.
The trick is to show the character’s niceness before you show the flaw. That way the reader is already invested and will stay to find out if this character finds her/his happy ever after.
Do leave a comment in the comment section below. Even if you just want to say "Hi!", I'd be thrilled to know you stopped by.
Until next time, write with clarity and style!
Monique x
Author/Screenwriter Monique DeVere currently resides in the UK with her amazing hero husband, four beautiful grown-up children, and three incredible granddaughters.
Monique writes Romantic Comedy stories some call Smexy—Smart & Sexy—and others call fluff. Monique makes no apologies for writing fun, emotional feel-good romance! She also writes Christian Suspense with a more serious edge.
Monique loves to hear from her readers. You can contact her by visiting her HERE to learn more about her and check out her other books.
Last month I shared my secret to writing great dialogue. This month, I'm going to share my secret to a polished manuscript. This is my prized resource for catching mistakes, plot holes, story flow/pacing, clarity, and the dozen other errors we as authors miss because we're so close to our work.
I'm sure it comes as no surprise when I tell you that every author would be prudent to find a way to HEAR her/his story read aloud. You've heard this advice a thousand times before, right? So have I, and I've heard other authors say they print out their MS and read it aloud so they can hear it. Or they read it aloud while recording their voice so they can replay it. I don't know about you, but that seems so last century to me.
I can't imagine sitting around reading my MS for hours on end hoping to hear mistakes. Surely, it's almost impossible to read and listen so carefully as to pick out errors at the same time. Personally, I don't believe we can effectively catch mistakes this way since we're still too close to what we've written. Then we encounter the problem of wasted hours of reading aloud that we'll never get back.
My solution? My biggest helper--outside of my CP--is my beautiful Kindle Keyboard. I love that baby. All I need to do is email my word doc to my Kindle, turn on Text-to-Speech and I can easily listen while I do the school run or clean the house. When I hear something I wish to change, I pause the Kindle, bookmark the page and make a note of what I need to change. If this happens while I'm driving, I'll make a mental note and write it down as soon as I reach my destination. On occasion, I've been known to pull over to the side of the road and make notes. But I'm sure you guys do that too. :)
I've found that using Kindle to read my story while I listen is the best option for me. I've tried using read aloud in PDF but the voice is far too tinny and computer generated for my taste. It distracts and irritate me, and I end up missing mistakes. Plus I lose the on-the-go editing option that I love so much.
Now don't get me wrong, I'm not saying this is fool proof. I'm simply saying it's another wonderful editing resource to add to our creative arsenal. For instance, you won't notice homophones, but you'll certainly notice flow and pacing. You'll notice tone and characterization, plot problems or whether you spend too much time in your characters' heads, whether your dialogue sounds natural, and a host of other niggles you might've otherwise overlooked.
The Kindle Keyboard isn't the only Kindle that has the Text-to-Speech function. According to the Text-to-Speech: Enabled link in the Product details section of my books on Amazon, Text-to-Speech is available for Kindle Fire HDX, Kindle Fire HD, Kindle Touch, Kindle Keyboard, Kindle (2nd generation), and Kindle DX. That's a huge choice of read aloud choices I never knew existed until lately. I haven't researched it, so I can't say if the other devices also have a read aloud function. If you know of any other reader besides the ones I listed, please tell us about it in the comments section below.
What do you use to help you polish your MS? Do you listen to your WIP via your reading device? Have you any special, trusted and adored methods for polishing your MS? If so, please share, I'd love to hear your secrets.
Do leave a comment in the comment section below. Even if you just want to say "Hi!", I'd be thrilled to know you stopped by.
Until next time, write with clarity and style!
Monique x
Author/Screenwriter Monique DeVere currently resides in the UK with her amazing hero husband, four beautiful grown-up children, and three incredible granddaughters.
Monique writes Romantic Comedy stories some call Smexy—Smart & Sexy—and others call fluff. Monique makes no apologies for writing fun, emotional feel-good romance! She also writes Christian Suspense with a more serious edge.
Monique loves to hear from her readers. You can contact her by visiting her HERE to learn more about her and check out her other books.
Over the years, one of the compliments I often receive is for my dialogue skills. While contemplating the subject for my column this month, I decided to share my "secret" for writing great dialogue. I would love to unveil some amazing trick that I alone have uncovered.
Alas, it is not to be.
My simple trick is to write the dialogue first. I write in scenes and chapters. I never view the book I'm writing as a whole until I reach the end. Therefore, each day I sit to write my scenes and sequels, I visualize only the scene/sequel I'm about to write. Like all authors, I see my characters in conversation, what they're talking about and whether it's what I need them to talk about in order to fulfil my requirements for that part of the story. At this stage, I'm not worried about what my character is thinking, feeling, smelling, eating, seeing or anything else. I just need to know that they're involved in dialogue that excites me enough to make me want to write it.
I've found that writing dialogue first, so you have only dialogue nothing else to start, gives me a clear indication on whether what my characters are saying is worth listening to AKA reading. Then I can turn my attention to fleshing out the scene with introspection, emotion, the senses, internal conflict, traits and everything else I need in order to create a rounded and complete scene.
I'm sure you know dialogue in romance has five main functions. When we write dialogue first we're able to see at a glance if we've achieved the objective.
Five Functions of Dialogue
1. To move the plot forward.
2. Create conflict.
3. To inform or reveal something pertinent to the plot.
4. Reveal character.
5. Create tension--sexual/emotional.
I have found that by writing dialogue first--think talking heads--it allows me to see if I've left questions unanswered, taken a side road in the conversation or have fallen into the trap of writing pointless conversation--think boring bits when people talk about nothing. The sort of yakety-yak that goes nowhere.
"Hi, how are you?"
"I'm fine. How are you?"
That sort of thing.
Dialogue is my absolute favourite part of a book. I just love the way we can create situations that pit two characters against each other in wit and banter. The way the characters can argue even while we let the tension simmer underneath. The way we can let them just say whatever they're thinking and see how it creates fireworks. Even letting the characters dodge questions is pretty fun to write. I love cheeky heroes who say the most scandalous things, and sassy heroines who gives him back just as good.
Dialogue is the heart of the novel. Without good dialogue, the most thoroughly planned out and executed story can become a drag to read.
So the next time you sit down to write, take a good hard look at your dialogue. Picture or write only the dialogue and see if it makes a difference to your end result. Then take a look at your character's introspection and see whether you're hiding some of your best dialogue in your character's thoughts. Why not let her/him say what s/he's thinking and see if you can't up the conflict a little.
Do you have any secrets on writing great dialogue? I'd love to hear them. Please share your thoughts in the comments section below. I look forward to reading and learning new dialogue tricks.
Until next time, write with clarity and style!
Monique
Author/Screenwriter Monique DeVere currently resides in the UK with her amazing hero husband, four beautiful grown-up children, and three incredible granddaughters.
Monique writes Romantic Comedy stories some call Smexy—Smart & Sexy—and others call fluff. Monique makes no apologies for writing fun, emotional feel-good romance! She also writes Christian Suspense with a more serious edge.
Monique loves to hear from her readers. You can contact her by visiting her http://moniquedevere.blogspot.co.uk to learn more about her and check out her other books.
Mention theme and some writers will groan. There’re so many, aren’t there? There’s theme, then there’s theme, and then there’s... well, theme. We have the story theme, author theme, and tropes—which some writers/readers call book theme.
Today I’m going to be talking about author theme, but first let’s take a quick look at the other two.
Story theme
Story theme is the same as the novel’s theme and can usually be described in a single sentence. Something like, “action speaks louder than words”. It’s what the story is about, the message beneath the surface and it has nothing to do with your plot points on an obvious level. For instance, you might have a character, or even set of characters, who constantly say one thing but do another. That would be the story theme “action speaks louder than words”.
I normally look to Idioms to find a nice pithy statement for my story themes. But there’re other places we can also look. I’ll list a few in case you might like a bit more of an example.
Story themes can be boiled down to traditional sayings.
Idioms – a phrase with a different figurative and literal meaning.
Exp: “Rags to Riches.” Or “Keep a stiff upper lip.”
Adage – a memorable, traditional saying that has gained credibility through long use.
Exp: “Where there’s smoke, there’s fire.” Or “Things are not always what they seem.”
Proverb – a short saying which expresses common sense or a basic truth.
Exp: “A monkey in silk is a monkey no less.” Or “It’s no use locking the stable door after the horse has bolted.”
Maxim – a well known saying that expresses a truth or rule about life or conduct.
Exp: “Opposites attract.” Or “Nothing ventured, nothing gained.”
Epigram – a clever statement expressed in the form of a concise amusing or satire poem.
Exp: “I can resist anything except temptation.” Or “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”
Tropes
Another book “theme” people speak of, is the story trope. These are tried and tested, reoccurring literary devices used to instantly tell the reader what sort of romance she’s picking up. Such tropes are: the second chance/reunion romance, secret baby, friends-to-lovers, older brother’s best friend, matchmaker, office romance, one-night-stand, sexy protectors and the list goes on. Used in category romance/commercial fiction, tropes drive the story.
And now we come to...
Author Theme
Recently, I found myself thinking about the way I approach my stories, and it suddenly dawned on me that while I usually know my story theme, I don’t think I’ve ever stopped to work out my author theme.
This started to bug me.
What did I really write about?
Okay, you might be thinking, “Huh? Author theme, what on earth is that?”
Or you might be thinking, “Who doesn’t know their author theme?” Well done for figuring yours out already, smarty-pants, thumbs-up to you. :)
Now, for the rest of us mere mortals who never really thought about our author theme. It's the core topic every writer writes about. The same fundamental subject that runs through all of her stories. Something like perhaps an author who always write about orphans in some way. Maybe one of her books is about a character whose parents died and she ended up in foster care. Another book might be about a character who felt abandoned because the parents were always working, and yet another book might be about having to grow up fast and look after a parent or siblings because the parent was sick or had a substance abuse problem. You get the idea, right? While none of these stories are the same, one similarity remains at the core—this character is an orphan.
So I started to think I didn’t have an author theme. What do you do when you get stuck?
Phone a friend.
In my case, I emailed my dear, dear friend who I met in a critique group around ten years ago and we've remained friends every since. She’s read most of my books and she has such a wonderful, sharp eye. When I asked her what she thought my author theme was she said, “You write about daddy issues.”
Right there, in words that leaped from the email reply, was my answer. At first (for about thirty seconds) I thought, nah, I’m sure I write about something else. Something far more profound—haha, yeah right. But as I ran my books through my mind I realised she was spot on! Every one of my books contained characters that had some sort of daddy issue. The novel I'm writing right now features a heroine with daddy issues.
What does that say about me? You guessed it, I have daddy issues. My parents got divorced when I was eight and suddenly my daddy—the light of my life—was no longer there. Oh, man, I feel like I’m baring my soul here. Is it any wonder that we as authors experience such a deep sense of hurt when someone tips a negative hat to our books? How many times have you heard a writer say, “I poured my soul into that book!” Because we actually do.
Going forward, I believe my books will be stronger for me having this knowledge. I will certainly make sure my character’s have their chance to forgive and heal.
I challenge you to find your author theme if you don’t yet know it. I bet, armed with this knowledge, you’ll be able to strengthen your books and jump to the next level in your writing.
So, what do you think about author theme? Do you already know yours? Are you going to leave here and spend some time pondering your author theme? I'd love to hear your take on this subject.
Until next time, write with clarity and style!
Monique
Author/Screenwriter Monique DeVere currently resides in the UK with her amazing hero husband, four beautiful grown-up children, and three incredible granddaughters.
Monique writes Romantic Comedy stories some call Smexy—Smart & Sexy—and others call fluff. Monique makes no apologies for writing fun, emotional feel-good romance! She also writes Christian Suspense with a more serious edge.
Monique loves to hear from her readers. You can contact her by visiting her http://moniquedevere.blogspot.co.uk to learn more about her and check out her other books.
Novels v Novellas
This week I had the pleasure of writing “Ends” on a novella I need to send off to my publishers. This is a novella, and while it was a treat to write, it was no less work than a novel.
I am curious about what others think about the novella. I write short stories, novels, and novellas.
The difference is the number of scenes and whether there’s space for subplots and extra characters. Novella’s weigh in at around 20-30K, but this in no way allows the author to cut corners on story just because the word count is smaller. After all, a novella is not the poor relation to the novel. It’s a slim-lined cousin with a dynamic edge.
The honey you grab when you want to be entertained, but you don’t have all day about it. The quick, simple read that gives you the same impact and enjoyment as a longer novel but in a fraction of the time, because really it’s about the story—not the length. And isn’t an excuse to give your readers less.
Word count doesn’t matter if the story still packs a punch. A novella can produce compelling characters. If it’s well-written, a novella will keep your readers glued to its pages. Like a full-length novel, it should make your reader laugh-out-loud, wipe away tears, get angry on your main character’s behalf, and sigh when she gets to your Happy Ever After.
Regardless of which length fiction we write, one thing remains the same. We have to ensure we hit all of the turning points, give our characters depth, show the reader their wounds, GMC, Wants and Needs, Int and Ext Conflicts, the Black Moment, Climax and Resolution. The Sexual Tension and the pull push of the plot.
Like a novel, a novella’s plot needs depth and all the same attention to detail. In a novella, there’s no space for a ton of extras with speaking parts. Of course, our characters will come into contact with other people. They'll have friends and family, but this cast will be more off stage than on and will be there to add atmosphere. To let the reader know your H/h lives in a world which is not a total bubble.
As I said before, there are not as many scenes—obviously—and the scenes must move along. No time to wander, or for meandering intros. It’s a matter of get in, do the job, and get out.
What is your take on novellas? Do you like reading them? Or do you prefer the longer novel? Share your comments below, I'd love to hear from you.
Monique
Author/Screenwriter Monique DeVere currently resides in the UK with her amazing hero husband, four beautiful grown-up children, and three incredible granddaughters.
Monique writes Romantic Comedy stories some call Smexy—Smart & Sexy—and others call fluff. Monique makes no apologies for writing fun, emotional feel-good romance! She also writes Christian Suspense with a more serious edge.
Monique loves to hear from her readers. You can contact her by visiting her http://moniquedevere.blogspot.co.uk to learn more about her and check out her other books.
Today I’m looking at On-The-Nose dialogue (OTN).
This isn't a problem for Scriptwriters alone. Fiction writers need to avoid this trap as well.
On-the-nose dialogue will ensure readers drop your book faster than a red-hot ember.
You and I both know that nobody wants to read dialogue that isn’t close to the way people really talk. Otherwise it’s boring, tedious and not worth reading.
Yet, writers are still falling into the trap, not realising that the ability to avoid writing on-the-nose-dialogue sets great writers apart from so-so writers. It shows editors, agents, readers, reviewers and the like that you have the skill, understand and know-how to implement the numerous other fine distinctions of the craft of writing and storytelling.
So what is on-the-nose dialogue, and how can we avoid this hazard?
What is On The Nose Dialogue?
OTN dialogue is obvious dialogue. It’s bland, boring to read, and tells the reader exactly what the author needs the reader to know, or requires the scene to convey. Plus it’s nothing beyond filler.
An example of on-the-nose dialogue would be...
“Hi, Jim, it’s really hot today.” Pete tugged at his tie.
“Yes, Pete, but they say it’s going to rain later.”
Pete glanced out the window they were passing. “I can see some rain clouds coming in overhead.” His tie was still choking him and his loosened it. “So I saw you with Carol, your wife. Are you two getting back together?”
“Maybe... I think so... We’re working on it. Why do you ask?”
“I was wondering because she cheated on you with your brother and all.”
“I really shouldn’t take her back, but I still love her.”
Okay enough! I can’t take anymore, and I’m sure you’re ready to stop reading by now.
Do you see how utterly uninspiring and dead boring OTN dialogue is? Did you notice anything else? Not only did I show you OTN dialogue, I also threw in some OTN action as well—just as a treat :).
Pete tugged at his tie. Why is Pete tugging his tie? Not because he’s nervous, but because it’s a hot day.
Pete glanced out the window they were passing. Why? Just so he can see the rain clouds closing in.
This is all obvious action to go along with his obvious dialogue, and that’s what makes it OTN action.
Another obvious statement coming from old Pete is: “So I saw you with Carol, your wife."
I'm pretty sure Jim already knows who his wife is! And that she cheated with his brother.
Rule of Thumb: anything that is obvious is On-The-Nose, whether it’s dialogue or action. Think subtle. Think show don’t tell. Think mystery (not of the whodunit, but of the I-wonder-what’s-really-being-said-here variety).
The next part of the above scene, which leaves the reader cold, is the lack of any real point of view character. Through whose eyes are we viewing the story? These are all hazards of the OTN dialogue.
How Do We Avoid This Hazard?
The trick, my friends, is to use subtext and deep POV. We say things all the time that we don’t know we’re saying. As authors, we can use this to great advantage. I spoke about subtext in my Pull Up a Chair With Mon series over on my blog a while ago, so I won’t delve into it again too deeply here.
What I’d like to do is try and see if we can make the above scene any better. Let’s hang out in Pete’s head to see what's going on...
“Hey, Jim, wait up.” Pete jogged the few paces to catch up with his buddy. Even at this early hour in the day, sweat trickled down his back. Snagged his dress shirt and plastered it to his back.
“Just leave it, Pete, I’m warning you.” Jim’s dark, narrowed gaze sliced into him. But what sort of buddy would Pete be if he didn’t make his friend realise he was heading down the same road to destruction as before?
“You know I can’t do that, bud. Just hear me out, and if you still want to take Carol back, I'd be first to raise a toast to your happy future.”
Jim skidded to a halt. Spun on Pete like he had murder on his mind. “What is your problem with my wife?”
The clenched fists and steam shooting from Jim’s nostrils let Pete know his friend of ten years was close to outing his lights. Pete loosened his tie. Maybe the god-awful heat had gone to his head, but Pete was ready to duke it out with Jim right here is the hallway of TTNT—in front of all their work colleagues—if it meant Jim would finally listen to what he had to say.
“The only problem I have is that she’s a liar and a cheat, and she doesn’t deserve all the chances you keep giving her. What second chance are you on now? Fifth?”
Fist balled tight, Jim drew his arm back.
Pete knew what was coming and he welcomed it. What he didn’t expect was the force of the punch that connected with his jaw, and knocked half a day’s memory out of his brain.
This is a rough example. It needs more subtleties added. The senses, for starters, and a deeper understanding of who Pete and Jim really are, but I’m not writing a story here, just giving you a quick example.
With any luck, you see the difference between the two scenes. The first is out and out OTN. The second is a little more subtle. Giving the reader info while keeping her/him wanting to know what’s going on by dripping in the relevant facts. I achieved this by letting the reader see what’s happening inside my POV character through action, internal narrative and emotion.
Have you ever been snared by the dreaded on-the-nose dialogue trap? Do you have any neat tricks or ways to avoid it? I'd love to hear what you think.
Until next time... let's avoid the nose.
Monique
Author/Screenwriter Monique DeVere currently resides in the UK with her amazing hero husband, four beautiful grown-up children, and three incredible granddaughters.
Monique writes Romantic Comedy stories some call Smexy—Smart & Sexy—and others call fluff. Monique makes no apologies for writing fun, emotional feel-good romance! She also writes Christian Suspense with a more serious edge.
Monique loves to hear from her readers. You can contact her by visiting her http://moniquedevere.blogspot.co.uk to learn more about her and check out her other books.
Hello friends,
If you haven't met me, my name is Monique DeVere. I write Romantic Comedy, or, as some like to call it, Fluff. I also write Christian Suspense and I'm a screenwriter. I live in the UK and have well over twenty years experience in the writing world. I like to think I have a lot of writing experience that I can bring to the table and share, which is why I'm delighted to join the talented columnists at MFRW. When the MFRW Blog Director invited me to join the team, I was more than sure she'd emailed me by mistake! When a few days came and passed and she didn't email me again to apologise for the mistake, I cautiously accepted that the invitation was indeed meant for me. So here I am, writing the Writing Tips column, which goes out on the 26th of the Month. I'll be helping you to take your writing to the next level. Do make a note and pop back to visit with me, won't you?
Enough with the intro, let's get on with the column. This month I'm talking Hooks.
Story Hooks
Hooks are little magnets we use throughout our books to keep the reader glued to our stories.
When it comes to novels, there are all sorts of hooks. These are all designed to force the reader to keep turning pages.We have the opening hook line--created to grab the reader's attention. The opening hook scene--devised to snag the reader's interest and desire to continue reading. The story hook or story question--planned to make the reader keep turning pages in order to discover the answer. And the end of chapter hook--to persuade the reader to forgo sleep in preference of reading "just one more chapter".
I think we can all agree that a great opening hook line is important. Over the years, I've seen really cool opening lines only to find myself disappointed by what follows. It seems to me some authors forget that the reader will read beyond the dazzling opening hook and will expect the rest of the book to be as sparkling. I believe the problem arises when the author falls into the trap of loading up the reader with back story or scene setting or some other equally unimportant-for-the-moment craft props instead of letting the reader live the scene as it unfolds. If I may, I'd like to use an example from one of my stories in order to demonstrate what I mean.
This is the first line/opening hook from Zach's Rebound Girl.
Dear, Diary, Zach's back!
(The opening hook line) “MMM ... oh, yeah. Right there. That’s it ... just there.”
When I wrote this, I wanted the reader to sit up and take notice. I wanted to hook her/him with my naughty opening line.
(The opening hook scene)
Zach and his buddies are eavesdropping on his neighbour and things are sounding pretty naughty next door. Then Zach hears the name of his neighbour and remembers his old uni friend. He then switches his attention to trying to decipher the different voices. Could the Maddie he knew in uni be the same Maddie he's eavesdropping on?
Then the fun begins...
What I'm saying is this: create an amazing opening hook line, but don't stop there. The opening hook of your story has two parts.
Part A: The amazing hook line.
Part B: The amazing hook scene that follows.
Think first few pages and not just first line.
Until next time, let's hook them, baby!
Monique
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Author/Screenwriter Monique DeVere currently resides in the UK with her amazing hero husband, four beautiful grown-up children, and three incredible granddaughters.
Monique writes Romantic Comedy stories some call Smexy—Smart & Sexy—and others call fluff. Monique makes no apologies for writing fun, emotional feel-good romance! She also writes Christian Suspense with a more serious edge.
Monique loves to hear from her readers. You can contact her by visiting her http://moniquedevere.blogspot.co.uk to learn more about her and check out her other books.
